Anger and Sadness
by staceycj
Summary: Tag 4X14 Broken Bonds
1. Chapter 1

Feet, pavement, breathing, heart all were in sync. All were being pushed to the limit, thirty year old muscles pushing to the brink, pushing harder than most teens on a football team looking for that one more touchdown to win that all important last game of the season. Dean Winchester was pushing his body so hard, harder than he had in his entire life. Muscles that had been strong before were toned and they swelled underneath his taught skin, forcing his black tee shirt, which had been loose weeks before, to be stretched within its limits over his chest and arms. Dean, when dressing this morning, thought that it would be a good thing to invest in new shirts; they were all too small now.

His leg started to cramp, but he didn't stop, instead he pushed harder, he thought about his brother's words _weak, scared_ and that encouraged him to move faster, to run harder, run through the pain. Then when that wasn't enough, and he still wanted to stop because his body ached, and he was tired, he allowed himself to hear the screams that were always just under the surface, the screams that woke him up that morning, and started today's run, just like they began the run yesterday, the day before that, the day before that, and one more time. Ever since his brother's "confession" under the spell of the siren, Dean pushed himself to be different, better, stronger, smarter, more disciplined, less scared, more forceful. Because, maybe, if he was what his brother needed, he wouldn't be pushed away, maybe Sam would stop keeping secrets, maybe Sam would be his brother again.

He was still furious however. He and Sam hadn't actually spoken in days. They lived together, ate together, fought together, but rarely did they actually speak anymore, and they didn't enjoy each other's company. Dean was still angry, still hurt by Sam's harsh words, and every time Sam started to speak Dean cut him off, went outside, worked out, found a gym that he could use for the afternoon, something, anything, to get away from his brother's voice. It reminded him just too much of those words. Dean couldn't bare to hear false apologies, excuses, and attempts to explain what he really meant when he said all of those hurtful things. Dean couldn't do it. So he did what he could do, fix the problems Sam had numerated while under the spell.

So, he trained, he read, he fought only demons, sought out demons, and destroyed them. He didn't say anything to Sam about his psychic crap, nor did he mention Ruby, and Sam seemed to have stopped lying to him. Well, actually, there were no lies to tell when one isn't allowed to speak. But, after the whole ordeal, Dean was fairly certain that Sam wasn't consorting with Ruby. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Sam knew Dean was pissed and hurt, and it was in consideration of Dean, or maybe it was that Sam was through with her and decided on his own that it wasn't a good idea, or the most logical and at the moment infinitely more plausible was that Ruby simply didn't have any intel. That, Dean believed most.

The sun was finally up over the horizon, these early morning runs, if nothing else, were teaching him to love the early morning sun rises and Dean steered himself back in the direction of the motel. He arrived, unlocked the door, and stopped dead. Ruby was sitting on his bed, she turned, looked at him and nodded. His blood ran cold.

"Wow, someone's been working out." She commented. Dean said nothing, looked up at Sam, who looked down, and went directly into the bathroom. Once there, once the shirt was off, once he looked at his new body in the mirror he realized something. _Nothing I do, will make Sam think any more of me. I've given him my life, I've given him everything, and he doesn't want it. He still thinks I'm weak. He still thinks I'm stupid. To hell with Castiel and his father's plans for me. Let them send me back to hell. What does it matter? There isn't really anything left for me here. I can't make Sam not go down this path, he doesn't respect me anymore, he doesn't listen to me anymore. _ Dean rested his palms on either side of the sink and hung his head, back muscles tightening and beginning to knot. He looked back up at himself. Saw the exhaustion pulling at his face, the constant hum of fear running through his body, he saw the emptiness and worthlessness in his eyes. He turned on the shower, ignored Sam's knock on the door, and the subsequent "I'll be right back" and waited for the door to close. He pulled his cell from his pants pocket and dialed.

"Bobby, Sam and I need your help."

After his shower, towel wrapped around his waist, he went into the main room of the motel room and started to dig through his duffel. Just as he pulled out his shirt, the door opened and Sam entered, gave him a small smile and turned to close the door. Dean took his stuff to the bathroom and closed the door.

"Dean?" Sam asked tentatively. Sam tended to talk to him through doors now. That way he didn't have to look at him, see the hurt and the distrust in his eyes. When he didn't receive a response, he continued. "It wasn't what it looked like. She got a lead on Lilith. She has an idea of where we should go." Dean came out of the bathroom and went back to his duffel to put his running clothes away.

"Okay." Dean said as he zipped the bag.

"Do you want to go?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it kinda does."

"I don't care Sam. Whatever you want. I mean you are smarter than me. You must have more of a clue." Dean said that a lot lately.

"Dean." Sam started to explain, started to apologize, and Dean simply turned from him and walked out of the room and closed the door softly. Sam screamed and pulled at his hair. This was all he did now. Every time Sam spoke two words together that didn't have anything to do with a hunt, he just walked out of the room, went somewhere else.

Now, at night, when he had a nightmare, instead of telling Sam he was having them, a new breakthrough that Sam had been rather proud of being able to handle, because Dean never shared the emotional stuff with him, and when he started at least to admit that he was having them, Sam felt useful, like he could help lift this weight off of his brother's shoulders, but after the siren….well…after the siren….

Sam sighed and fell heavily onto the bed. Ruby in the motel room was a bad idea. But Sam thought it would be better than a secret rendez-vous. Thought it would be better than a hushed phone conversation. No, he didn't think. If he would have thought, if he would have listened to his brother all of those months ago, he wouldn't have consorted with her at all, wouldn't have started on this path, a path that diverged so far from his brother's, from his father, from humanity, from everything.

Dean was gone a good portion of the day, and Sam paced, Dean didn't' answer his cell anymore. He let it go to voice mail. Sam wasn't even sure if he listened to them anymore. Wasn't sure if he cared. So, that left Sam to pace the room, look at the car, because Dean always left the car now, and wonder if he should go looking for him, wondered if he should just take off and leave Dean to his snit, or if he should go and find Ruby and kill her and bring her head back as a trophy and an apology to his brother.

A knock on the door interrupted his thought and he checked through the peep hole and found Bobby starring back at him. Confused he opened the door.

"Bobby?"

"Sam?"

"What's going on?"

"Dean called and asked if I could come. Said you boys needed help." Sam shook his head.

"What?"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?"

"No, and he won't either." Dean said as he squeezed in behind Bobby, sweating and out of breath.

"Boy, what is the matter with you?" Bobby asked as he looked at Dean, sans shirt.

"I was just out running."

"This is his second run of the day." Sam supplied.

"Shut up." Dean said harshly, and looked back to Bobby. "I wanted to see if I could have a job at your place."

"Dean…"

"Just for a while, until I get squared away or until the angels find out I'm not being useful in their holy cause and send me back to hell, I just need a place to be for a while."

Sam shifted and his mouth hung open. "What the hell Dean?" Dean ignored him and continued to watch Bobby. Bobby looked from Dean to Sam then back to Dean.

"Don't worry about him Bobby. He's got a demon, who's smart, strong, and a good hunter to watch his back. I'm not going to leave him high and dry. He just doesn't need me anymore."

"Dean."

Dean turned around sharply and was standing toe to toe with his brother, eyes a fiery green. "Stop fucking saying my name! Stop it. I don't want to hear it. I'm leaving. My turn. Get it. My turn to leave you alone. My turn to not have to deal with what is bothering me. My fucking turn! You got that? Oh wait, you're smarter than me. Of course you get that." He grabbed Sam's cell off of the table next to them and turned it on.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked angry and scared.

"Calling Ruby, you know, so she can be back here, like she was when I came back from the dead, yeah."

"Give me back the phone." Dean moved out of his arm reach and put the cell to his ear. "Stop it Dean. I don't—"

"Hey Sam." Came the voice over the phone.

"Sorry sweetheart, it's Dean."

"You calling to tell me that I can't come over and play with your baby brother anymore? Gonna threaten to hit me or something?"

"Nope. Calling you to let you know he's all yours again. I'm leaving. I'll be out of here in an hour. Do whatever you two bitches were doing in the dark. I don't care anymore." Dean clicked the phone off and threw it at Sam.

"I'm out. I can't do this anymore Sam. You don't respect me anymore. I wore out my welcome. I must not have been too welcome before." He turned back to Bobby. "So can I stay with you for a while?"

Bobby looked at Sam and then back at Dean and nodded. "Sure son, you can stay with me for as long as you like." Dean nodded. Took the car keys out of his pocket, threw them at Sam.

"You already douched her up. Might as well keep her. I'll find something else." He said and grabbed the duffel that was already packed and left the room.

"Oh God." Sam mumbled his big eyes were suddenly innocent, and childlike. The eyes that used to stare at Bobby when he was just a little tyke. "Bobby."

"You said some hurtful things."

"You know?"

"I heard some. And Dean shared the rest."

"But Ruby…"

"Isn't evil?"

"Yeah."

"She's a demon Sam."

"But…"

"Dean was tortured by demons, every single moment of the day for thirty years, then he put his lot in and started helping them make more demons. So coming back and finding you, doing demon things, and then saying what you did…Sam…that hurts him more than you understand. You don't know him as well as you thought you did."

"I know my brother." Sam said defensively.

"You used to. I don't think you do so much anymore. Because if you did, well, then this wouldn't be a surprise. Think about it Sam. You know where I am. Call. I'll pick up." Bobby patted the younger man on his shoulder and exited the room, exited the motel parking lot with cargo that Sam didn't want him to take. He looked down at the Impala's keys and realized, that even when Dean was angry he still took care of his baby brother, he was still willing to cut a piece of himself away to make sure he was all right. That made it worse. What the hell had he become?


	2. Aftermath

"I thought he said he was leaving?" Ruby said as she entered the motel room without knocking just like she had before…while Dean was still…. Sam swallowed the thought. Ruby would be the one to watch his back, would be the one to worry and care for him now. Why didn't that make him feel any better?

"He is gone." He said flatly.

"The car…"

"He said since I douched it up I should just keep it."

"Cool. So, Lilith. I heard through the grapevine that she is in Georgia." Sam swallowed and looked up.

"Georgia."

"Yeah. There have been some major omens, like I was telling you before Dean came back from wherever in the hell he was."

"Yeah. Omens. I remember."

"So, I know what city she's in. We need to get you ready." Getting him ready didn't just mean gathering up his supplies and clothes and getting in the car and driving, it meant practicing, finding demons and pulling them out of bodies, and then there were the other things…the things that in the dark were easier to handle, easier to pretend that weren't happening, easier to pretend that the didn't like it. God, he did like it. He wished with everything he had that he didn't, wished that the powers weren't seductive.

"How long will she be there?" he finally asked. His mind seemed to be reeling, seemed to have left him.

"Not sure, but rumor has it that she's settling in for a while. Doesn't think you have the juice to find her, doesn't think you are looking."

"Why would she think that?"

"Well, everyone knows about Dean and this whole angel thing, they are pretty sure that since Dean is back you are following his orders and staying away." Following orders like a good little boy. _I am not that little boy anymore._ He thought angrily. _I didn't follow Dad's orders, why should I fall in line behind Dean, like some little puppet, like some little kid, I am not that child anymore. I asked myself what I had become, I became a man, I became someone who didn't need to be led around by my nose. I'm an adult who can think for myself. I don't need Dean to tell me what to do._ Ruby sensed the anger that was building up in Sam. She had been counting on it. She knew her words would spark that fire under Sam.

"Oh. I see. I'm not his soldier to command." Ruby smiled and thought _No, you are mine._

"Yeah. I see. I assume with the brother gone, that something major happened. He ditch you? Or did you finally decide that you had had enough of his bossiness?"

"Mutual decision." Sam said. He was not going to let her know that the only reason that Dean was gone was because he chose to go, no, he would not let her know that. "We don't need to be attached at the hip anymore. Not healthy and all of that crap."

"Good. Could have told you that ages ago. Think about it Sammy, if you hadn't been so up his ass, his death wouldn't have turned you suicidal. Probably would have had Lilith dead months ago, and you could go back to being you and not some extension of your father, or your brother, whoever."

"Yeah." Sam acknowledged. Her words rang true, rang so close to home that he was steadily getting furious with himself. _Why did I let Dean control me for so long? Why didn't I just do what I wanted? Why didn't I stay at Stanford, I could have, I didn't have to go with him, I should have just gone on my own, found dad, found the Yellow Eyed Demon killed the son of a bitch and not had to worry about anything else. I was such a fool for following him for so long. _

"So pack your stuff. We need to get going." Sam got up and finished putting his clothes into his bag. "You okay Sam?" Ruby finally asked after she watched Sam silently put his things into his duffel.

He turned to face her and his face was hard, his eyes sad and angry all at the same time. They weren't desperate like they had been when Dean had died, but there was still an urgency to them, still a fire that was going to make him fall in line, do as he was asked, and use whatever force he had to kill the bitch. Ruby smiled inwardly. Yeah. This was perfect, finally, Dean was going to be useful in this whole endeavor. "Yeah. Fine. I want this. Let's go."

Ruby smiled, stood on point, put her hands on either side of his face and pulled it to her, enveloping him in a kiss. "Yeah, let's go." She said with a seductive smile. Sam grabbed his duffel and closed the door behind him on the motel room and his life with Dean.

The mustang was being difficult. Yesterday, Dean was positive he had found the solution to the old car's issues, thought he knew exactly how to fix it. But he had been wrong, just like everything else in the world. He thought he knew exactly what Sam needed too, thought he knew exactly how to fix him, make him better, but like the car, all he was succeeding in doing was creating a bigger mess. Dean sighed and surveyed the engine again trying to figure out what the matter was, trying to push Sam back to the fringe of his mind, trying to keep his thoughts centered, and for all of his trying he was most certainly not succeeding.

_What was I thinking leaving Sam with Ruby? He's probably a full blown demon now. God I'm such an idiot. But he doesn't need me anymore, that's what he's been trying to tell me since that whole asylum thing. Maybe Yellow Eyes was right, maybe my family doesn't need me like I need them. But you know, I gave everything I ever had and then some, to make sure they were all safe, make sure that they all had what they needed, and look how I'm repaid, with betrayal and lies. I don't need them. To hell with Sam, he wants to become a demon, fine, be that way, I'll hunt his ass down, and with his eyes black I will be able to put a bullet between his eyes._

"You really think so?" Dean jumped and banged his head against the hood of the car. He turned quickly and sighed at the sight of Castiel standing by the tool box looking confused.

"Good grief. Knock, make some noise, shuffle your feet something." Dean grumbled. "You don't sneak up on a man who has his head under the hood of a classic."

Castiel ignored Dean's grumblings. "You would really put a bullet in between your brother's eyes?"

"You just don't leave anything private do you?"

"My father has granted me the gift of hearing your thoughts."

"Well that's all well and good, but sometimes you shouldn't just spy on people."

"You would really be able to pull the trigger and kill your brother?"

"He's not my brother anymore. My brother died back in Cold Oak. This guy only looks and sounds like him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty damn sure. I think all we are waiting for are his eyes to finally change color."

"Dean."

"No. He's not my brother anymore. My brother cares about people, he worries about killing people, the sanctity of life. That is my brother. My brother never would consort with a demon after one killed his girlfriend, killed his mother, killed his father and took me to hell. No my brother would have cared and missed me, not gone to bed with a damn demon and followed her every move and become a full blown demon himself."

"Are you more upset that your brother is working with Ruby and not telling you or are you more concerned that you might have been replaced?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"An honest one."

"I'm angry about the lies. Of course I'm angry about the lies. Why should I worry if he's found a friend?"

"Because she is more powerful than you are. And she might have attained the influence over your brother that you once had."

"Whatever." Dean mumbled and rolled his large expressive eyes. Castiel hit the nail on the head and he wasn't about to admit that out loud.

"And your brother is not a demon. If he was we would have taken care of that before you were saved."

"Yeah, whatever." Dean said and took the cloth out of his back pocket and started to wipe his hands. "You come here just to tell me that if I don't start picking back up on the seal business that I get an all expenses paid trip down under?"

"No I did not. I heard of the troubles with Sam. I came to see if you were okay."

"Just to make sure I'm okay enough to do the job I was sent to do. Yeah. I'm good."

"Dean, you aren't only good for the things that you can do for others."

"Apparently I am. Because once I can't do what someone wants, I'm weak and stupid. Maybe you should have found a better hunter to pull out of hell. Because apparently I'm not very good at that either."

"Dean, self pity is not Godly."

"You too eh? Whatever. Just go away. Let me work on the car, let me just die an old man, or hell, go call Sam, have him come and put a bullet in my heart and just end it, whatever. I don't really care anymore."

"You know. Sam had a couple of valid points."

"Oh God. Please. Spare me. I don't want to know or care anymore."

"You should care. Your brother is out there consorting with demons."

"And I can't stop it! How many times do you have to hear that to get it through your thick angel skull?! I can't do anything. He doesn't want me anymore. If that is the only reason you pulled me from the pitt---"

"We did not pull you to be his keeper."

"Then quit asking me to do what my dad wanted me to do! I will do it when the time comes, but PLEASE leave me the hell alone. Sam doesn't listen to me anymore. I don't trust him and he doesn't trust me. That is the long and short of it. So, go, just leave. I don't need this. I want him gone and he is. He and Ruby can go make baby demons, whatever. I have no influence over Sam Winchester any longer. So just deal with it." Dean said and turned back and looked under the hood of the mustang.

"Dean," Castiel said to Dean's back. "All problems are repairable. God made us capable of being angry, but most of all, he gave us the ability to forgive."

"Yeah whatever." Dean said to the air, because Castiel had gone, gone back to wherever warrior angels went when they weren't annoying Dean Winchester. "I can't forgive him." Dean mumbled.

**AN: Wow 34 reviews. I am beyond flattered and in awe. I'm not used to my stories getting this much attention. Thank you to the following:**

**alwaysateen****, Amy, ****angeleyenc****, Anna,****anjali23sk****, anon, ****babyreaper****, ****badaiwind****, ****bhoney****, ****Brenny****, CMMSBFOREVER, ****deangirl1****, ****EnglishLass****, ****gatorpez****, ****Ghostwriter****, hermitme,****Iuliana****, ****Lisa14****, ****Meggin Lane****, ****moira4eku****, ****Mouse95****, ****Nash Carter****, ****nej47****, nycjoc,****QuierdoMusic****, ****RedDragen****, ****Ster1****, ****Stompy Bigfoot****, ****Stony Angel****, ****twotoe****, ****ukfan101****, ****wcfan****, ****WofOZ****, and ****Zatnikatel**

**All of your reviews were honest and forthright, and they made me want to write another chapter. This story is now officially open as a multi chapter story. Thank you. I hope all of you review this chapter as diligently as the first. And thanks to all who read and didn't have the time to review…it is equally appreciated. **


	3. Interconnected

"Ruby it's been weeks, there is no sign of her. She isn't here." Sam said as he slammed the door to the motel room in which they were staying. Sam had gotten pretty roughed up tonight, the low level demons that they hadn't been expecting got the drop on them, and beat Sam pretty good before he was able to turn the tables and pull them from their hosts.

"Impatient much?" Ruby asked as she sat down on the bed farthest from the door. Sam was starting to notice things like that. She always allowed him to get the brunt of the pain or the danger, she always hung back, just a little ways out of the line of fire, she did her best never to break a nail. For some reason, that suddenly bothered him, made him think of all of the times that Dean had been the one to get himself thrown into a wall protecting Sam, been the one to be patched up in the motel room because he had jumped into the way of an attacking whatever, and then there was the hell hounds, and hell all for him. Ruby wouldn't do that. He knew she wouldn't. She would step back and yell "Sam you can do it." And allow his brains to bleed all over the floor. As a matter of fact she was still clean and blood free. Her hair hadn't even been mussed in the fight today, because she hadn't participated in the fight.

"Yeah. Damn right I'm getting impatient. I've been practicing all of this time and I can't find the bitch, and every time we think we've found her we go in there guns blazing,"

"Well not guns." She smirked. Sam took a deep breath and continued.

"We go in there and some demons always seem to be able to come at me from a blind spot and they pound me all to hell before I can bust them out of the body." He said from inside the bathroom. He washed the blood from his face and looked at himself in the mirror and noted the bruise that was already starting to bloom around his jaw, and the matted hair, he had at least a superficial cut in his hairline. Hopefully it didn't need stitches, because Ruby didn't do stitches. Actually her exact words had been "What do I look like, your mom or your own personal nurse?" So he would have to do those on his own if he needed some. He had a sudden pang of longing for his brother. They didn't come very often anymore, they had a hard time breaking through his anger, because his anger was always so great anymore. Sometimes he wondered if it was the only emotion he knew how to feel, if it was the only emotion that he had ever felt.

"You just need to pay better attention, I guess." She said from her prone position on the bed.

"What?"

"Your blind spot is on your left. You just need to watch better." _Dean's spot_. Sam thought and the thought startled him.

"Shouldn't you be watching that side if you know that demons do this to me?" he asked as he pointed to his face.

"No. You are a man Sam. You can handle yourself. I know you can handle yourself. You are just so used to having your brother coddle you and treat you like a toddler that you just don't pay attention." Dean. Coddling. Toddler. Those words bounced around his head like ping pong balls on crack. "You don't want that do you Sam? You don't want to be treated like a child anymore." She asked and she was suddenly right next to him, caressing his jaw.

"No. I don't' want to be treated like a child." Confusion made him shift his weight. Something felt wrong. Something felt right.

"I didn't think so. I thought you were ready to handle this. And think, you get rid of Lilith, you won't ever have to worry about Dean going back to hell. Because you know that she still owns his soul. The moment the angels are done with him they will just let him go back to hell and you don't want that do you?"

"No. I don't want that." Sam said with brows drawn in confusion.

"We're doing what's right Sam. We really are."

"But…"

"But nothing Sam. You are doing what's right. Dean is the one that is being influenced, the one who is being brain washed. The angels, you met them, they are dicks, they wanted to smite a whole town just for one little witch, and if you hadn't used your powers they would have. You know that. Dean just doesn't understand."

"He thinks I'm a monster." Ruby nodded.

"I don't think you are a monster."

"But you are a monster too."

"What monstrous things have I done Sam? I fixed the colt, I gave you guys a weapon to use, I've taught you how to make something good out of your curse, I saved you from suicide. How am I a monster?"

"You are a demon." He said his voice not as forceful as it had been.

"You of all people know that just because you are supposed to be something doesn't make it so. I mean you are supposed to be the grand leader of all of the demons, you were supposed to lead us to the apocalypse, and look at you, you are saving us from it, you are going to take the bitch down, with or without Dean, you will be the champion. Your brother just doesn't see it. He wants you to stay little Sammy Winchester for the rest of your life. He doesn't want you to be better than he is, because he already knows that you are better, stronger, and smarter than he is. And now, since you can lead your own life and do your own thing, Sammy, you've become a better hunter." She smiled and caressed his face again. "Just let it go Sam. What we are doing is right, it is just and it will save a lot of lives. Dean will come around in the end and he will apologize for being an ass, and he might even treat you like the adult you are. You are independent and strong. You do what you want. You always have. You aren't a good little soldier, you have a mind of your own."

Sam felt that familiar anger rush through him again, it felt good and washed away all of his doubt and worry. Dean did treat him like a child. Dean didn't understand him, he thought he was a monster and he was even willing to follow his father's orders to kill him just like the good little pathetic soldier that he was. How could he not appreciate his powers? It made him more dangerous, made him more of a force to reckon with, but no, he treated him like a freak. Said that he would hunt him. Said that he would freaking hunt him. His own brother was willing to put a bullet into his heart and destroy him just because his father told him to, just because he could pull a demon out of a person—because it wasn't human enough for him. Because he wasn't weak like his brother.

Ruby watched the anger flood the hazel eyes and she rested her head against his chest. "I'm here for you Sam. I accept you for who you are. All of it. Powers and all." She said and smiled into his chest as he wrapped arms around her.

*******

The door to the house opened and Bobby tried not to run to it. Dean staggered in, bloody face and holding his left arm.

"What happened? I thought Cass had your back?"

"Angels don't do dirty work, that is for us mere mortals." He said as headed towards Bobby.

"But…"

"He kept me alive. That much is true, but damn this shoulder hurts. I think it's dislocated." He moved and pain flared through him. "No, scratch that, I KNOW it's out of place." Bobby guided Dean to a kitchen chair and pulled out a bottle of the strong stuff and handed it to the younger man.

"Take a swig or two of this, I'll clean up your face and by that time the alcohol should have done its job." Dean nodded and started downing the bottle, he put the bottle down on the table and let out a loud exhalation.

"That is some strong stuff Bobby."

"It's left over."

"Left over?"

"From when you were gone."

"Oh." Dean said and slid down a little farther into his chair.

"I was pretty damn messed up when you died. When we had to get your body out of that room." Bobby took a washcloth, and for a gruff and grisly man, began to wipe the blood off of Dean's face. "It was awful. Sam was so devastated."

"Huh. Sure could have fooled me." Dean mumbled and took another swig of the strong stuff while Bobby rinsed out the cloth he was using.

"He was. But then he left too, and I was all alone rambling around this house. Every hunter called and asked if you boys had gotten yourselves out of the mess. Every single time I answered that no, you didn't get out of it, I downed another bottle. It was hard." Bobby finished wiping the blood. "Looks like you need stitches on your cheek."

"Whatever."

"Dean, you can't stay angry forever."

"My dad did a pretty damn good job of it. You know, family business and all."

"You don't want to end up like your daddy."

"Good hunter. Good reputation. Why shouldn't I become him?"

"Because that isn't you Dean."

"If I had been like dad, then I wouldn't have…" He took another drink.

"Wouldn't have what?"

"Nothing."

"Dean."

"Just put this shoulder back into place."

"Dean."

"Do it." Dean said with a death glare. "Or I will." Bobby took a deep breath and without warning pushed the shoulder back into place and Dean gave a wail that hurt Bobby to the core, because it took him back to the night that he heard the boy who he considered a son, scream in his final moments.

"You guys save the seal?" Bobby asked ignoring the colorful swearing.

"Yeah. Barely." He panted.

"Good." Bobby said and wiped his hands on a hand towel and decided to try and brave the next part of the conversation. "Heard from Sam today."

"I don't care."

"Yes you care Dean."

"Oh, no I don't." He said and stood and went to the counter and leaned against it, still holding his left arm. "I'll care when he decides to come here and apologize to me for all of the mean and hurtful things he said."

"You don't mean that Dean."

"I mean that Bobby. If he can throw out 25 years of his life, so can I."

"Dean. He's—"

"What? Confused? Hurt? Alone? Scared? Yeah well welcome to my world. I don't get the free pass and neither does he. You know." Bobby sighed, anymore it really didn't take a whole lot to wind Dean up, and it appeared as if he had and that he was going to get an ear full whether he wanted it or not. "You know, maybe I coddled him too much as a kid. I sheltered him from the monsters, dad, life, whatever he needed protecting from he got it. So, maybe it really is my fault that he is out there consorting with a demon, a demon that may have had a hand in all that has happened in our lives. Hell, maybe she was the one who helped old Yellow Eyes pick the special children. Who knows? I most certainly don't….and neither does he….he chose a demon over me Bobby. A fucking demon over his own brother."

"He has made some poor choices."

"Poor choices!? Seriously that is what you call them? Poor choices. No, a poor choice is getting your head shaved in the middle of winter, or getting a tattoo while you are drunk. That is a poor choice. This is worse than that. This is betrayal, this is turning against everyone who loves you to be with the enemy." Dean sighed and some of the fight drained out of him in that sigh. "He's never appreciated anything. He's just a selfish bastard Bobby. And why would I want to know what he had to say? Why would I want to know what sort of inane lore he couldn't find on the computer, because God knows that he wasn't calling to check on me." He rolled his eyes and looked away from Bobby.

"I need to go to bed, I'm exhausted. Fighting demons will take it out of ya." Dean tried to smirk but he wasn't able to get his face to cooperate. "Thanks."

Bobby sighed and watched the boy slowly climb the stairs.

"The boy did not call you." Castiel appeared out of nowhere and startled the older hunter.

"Geeze, make some noise would you?" A small sad smile pulled at the angel's lips.

"Dean says that every time I make an appearance."

"Take notes then."

"You did not really hear from his brother."

"No, I was fishing. I wanted to see what his reaction would be."

"He's angry." Bobby let out a coarse laugh.

"It most certainly doesn't God to tell me that."

"Nor I. They are stronger together."

"I know."

"The demons want them apart."

"Yes they do. They have something brewing that you know about?"

"No. Nothing new. But we know that whatever it is they are doing is amping up. I believe that is why they have separated the brothers."

"Yeah, probably. That Ruby doesn't have purest intentions."

"No, she does not. And my father did not anticipate that Dean would leave Sam."

"I thought the Almighty was all knowing."

"He gave each of you free will, he just didn't expect Dean to use it in the manner in which he has."

"Well, obviously the big guy didn't realize what he made when he made a Winchester."

"Stubborn." Castiel said.

"And loyal. And Sam broke loyalties."

"He did."

"You guys gonna smite him?"

"Not yet. Several of my brothers wish to take care of the Sam problem now. But I keep telling them that Dean will be able to save his brother."

"Good." Bobby said. He was truly thankful that they weren't going to kill Sam. He loved the kid, no matter how screwed up he was right at the moment.

"He struggled on this seal."

"He will struggle on all of them until his brother is by his side."

"They are truly that interconnected?"

"Yes they are. When Sam went to Stanford, it was pretty bad. Dean didn't handle it well. This is killing him. His brother has never turned on him before."

"He needs to forgive."

"He needs to be given a reason to forgive." Bobby said with a sigh just as angry with the youngest Winchester as he was with the eldest.

**AN: Again I'm completely flabbergasted as to the amount of reviews that this story is receiving. **

**Thanks again to the following who reviewed:**

**Almu,** **alwaysateen**, **angeleyenc**,**babyreaper**, **Brenny**, **CMMSBFOREVER**,**cozmikfaerie****,** **driver picks the music****,** **EnglishLass**, **hermitme**, **Iris,** **kat, Limmy**, **Meggin Lane**, **Mouse95**, **Nash Carter**, **nykky****,** **RedDragen**, **SciFi Girl** **Sofia2007** **Stony Angel**, **ukfan101**, **wcfan**, **WindSpirit79** **WofOZ**, and **Zatnikatel**

**I insanely appreciate all of your reviews. I wanted to address this one point, each time we see Dean, he is almost in a different state of grief. I'm trying to make it realistic that his mind is going to go back and forth. I hope I'm doing a good job. And I've noticed that the more reviews I've gotten for this story the more eagerly I work on it. So thank you guys sooo much. Also, thank you to those who read but don't have the time to write. Thanks to all who read.**


	4. Truth and Deception

"Hey Ellen." Sam said with a smile when Ellen cracked the door open of the new roadhouse. Her eyes did not meet his with happiness, in fact she looked suspicious, even angry, and she didn't extend any kind of greeting. She simply looked over his shoulder as if checking to see who he brought with him, satisfied that he was alone, she pulled him inside the roadhouse by the front of his shirt.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing showing your face around here?" she asked throwing the startled Sam away from the door as she slammed it.

"What?" He asked confused. The last time he had had dealings with Ellen, she hadn't been mad, she had been kind and loving, what had caused this change? Did she know what he had been doing with Ruby? Did Dean call and tell her that she wasn't to treat him kindly any longer because he had turned evil?

"Every hunter worth his salt knows what is going on."

"Going on with what?"

"You, Dean, Ruby, that angel guy…everything."

"What? How do they know anything about this stuff? Is there a demon hunter's newsletter that I keep missing?" He asked with exasperation. The last thing any of them needed right now was another hunter poking their head into something they didn't understand, something they didn't have all of the information for, the last time that happened, it had been a fight for his life. These hunters, hunters who lost their wives, husbands, siblings, parents, children to ghosts or vampires or crazy witches, had no idea what it was like to live their lives, to have demons take every single thing away from you, to make you into a freak, a monster that even the last family you have left, the family who said that they would never leave you or hurt you or would always look out for you, can't even stand to be around any longer. They didn't know what that was like. They had no room to judge him, no right to decide whether or not he should be able to do the things he did. He wasn't hurting anyone, he wasn't a complete monster, he wasn't something that deserved to be hunted down and put out of the world's misery.

Ellen put her hands on her hips and gave him a disgusted look and sighed. "You really do have your head up your ass Sam Winchester. Hunters ain't exactly a couple of French fries short of a happy meal you know. They can figure stuff out. And you guys aren't exactly being quiet about what you are doing. Dean out there protecting seals by himself," Sam put up a hand, blinked rapidly trying to assimilate that information, and shook his head.

"Wait, what? What is Dean doing?"

"Trying to protect seals."

"On his own?"

"Yeah. You didn't know that?" Ellen was amazed. She knew that the boys weren't exactly together, but she was sure that Dean would have called him and talked to him, especially after this last seal detail, after the accident…

"So you also don't know about what happened?" Sam's stomach sank and Ellen watched him pale.

Sam tried to speak, and couldn't, the words wouldn't come out, and he licked his lips, trying to lubricate his mouth in order for the words to flow, and then when that failed, he shuffled his feet and cleared his throat and then finally seemed to be able to speak. "He's not…not….you know…d-dead?"

"No. Not dead." She said slowly. A breath that Sam didn't even know he was holding was expelled, but then his brain caught up with her words. He wasn't dead, but her tone indicated that there was something else wrong.

"Not dead..but?" he asked tentatively.

"Hurt pretty bad." Sam swallowed and tried to keep the tears at bay.

"How hurt?"

"Compound fracture in his leg, broken ribs, the whole shebang. Bobby said that they were lucky that he was okay. Lucky he didn't die."

"Why didn't they call me?" he asked.

Ellen shrugged. "I thought you knew."

"I have to get to him." He said and turned and started for the door.

"Hey Sam." Ellen called and he turned. His eyes were wild and she could see the barely contained energy. He wanted to run, she could almost feel it, he was like an animal that needed to get with its pack and lick the wounds.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Hunters know what you and that demon are doing, well probably not all of it, but some of it, and there's talk of hunting you. Keep to the ground, keep off of the radar, especially without Dean to cover you, they will kill you Sam, no matter how pure your intentions." Sam nodded and the door practically slammed behind him.

The motel was actually an hour's drive and Sam was there in a half an hour. He left the car running and hurried inside and began throwing everything he owned into his duffel. Ruby, for the first time in almost a year, snuck up on him, and she almost instantaneously regretted it when he spun around, pulled the knife, the demon killing knife, from his jeans and had it at her throat poised for slicing and dicing.

"It's me Sam." She said bored.

He looked down, looked into her eyes, saw her for who she was and relaxed, let go of her face, and slowly let the knife fall from its position and back into his jeans.

"You know I might survive this union longer if you locked your door." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"No time." He mumbled and continued to throw clothes into his duffel. Ruby did not like the look of this. Something wasn't right here. What had he said he was going to do this morning? Talk to some chick? What could she have possibly said to make Sam this anxious?

"What are you doing?" she asked. "The car is running? That damn thing is a tank anyway and it eats gas, you really shouldn't leave it running no matter how cheep gas is getting."

"Gotta go to Dean." he said simply. His back was to her and she couldn't read his face, couldn't figure out why all of the sudden he wanted to run back to Dean. She thought she had fixed that little problem.

"What do you mean you have to go to Dean? I thought…"

"Dean is still protecting seals. Dean got hurt. Real bad hurt. I have to go to him." He said a touch frantic and looked around the room for any remaining clothes. Ruby had to act fast. She had to stop this.

"Woah, woah, Sam. Slow down. How did you find this out? Your brother or Bobby call?"

"No. Another hunter told me." He pushed passed her and went into the bathroom, came back out and threw his toiletries into his bag and again scanned the room.

"You sure this hunter is telling the truth?" Sam stopped, stood straight and turned. His eyes were squinted, clearly confused.

"Why would she be lying?"

"Maybe it is a trick."

"A trick? Why would that be a trick?"

Ruby crossed her arms again. "Did you check to see if she was a demon?"

"No…but why?"

"They know if they get you off of your game…tell you that Dean is hurt you'll stop going after them to tend to your brother. They know that."

"But what if he is hurt?"

"Did Bobby call you?"

"No."

"Don't you think he would call and let you know your brother is in a bad way?"

"But Dean might—"

"Not let him?" she huffed. "Please Sam. That grumpy old man does whatever in the hell he wants. He's not going to let some young punk like your brother tell him what he can and can't do." Sam's shoulder's relaxed.

"I don't know Ruby. Dean can be very persuasive." She put a small delicate hand on top of his and stopped its movement.

"I know. But Bobby wouldn't leave you out of the loop like that. He wouldn't Sam."

"I don't know. I think I'm gonna go. I need to go. This whole fight thing is stupid Ruby. Just stupid. If Dean is saving seals…maybe that's what I should be doing with him."

"Sam. You're helping Dean, by finding Lilith, you are the one who will stop anyone from even going for the seals, he's just protecting them until you get your job done. See, you two are still working as a team. He's doing his part, and you're doing your part. It's okay Sam." She soothed.

"No. No. I'm gonna go."

"Sam, stop." He started to move through her and she pushed him away.

"Let me go."

"No."

"What?"

"Your brother doesn't want you there."

"How do you know?"

"I just know. I heard about the fight. I know he's pretty bad….but he doesn't want you there. He doesn't want a freak with him."

"How would you know that?"

"That's what he said when a demon asked him where his brother was. He said that he didn't need the freak."

"Demons lie."

"Really Sam? When has one actually lied to you?"

"You did. You said that I could save Dean."

"You could have. Had you not listened to him and done what I asked of you, you could have saved your brother." Sam looked away from her eyes and his whole body tensed up with guilt and shame. "All you hunters keep saying that demons lie, but the truth is Sam we just say what you guys don't want to hear, so you call it lying. So if you need the comfort of thinking that your big brother really wants you with him, then go right ahead, go charging to Bobby's house and push your way in there, and just let Dean call you a freak to your face, let him tell you that he doesn't want you around because you scare him, because Sam he is weak…"

"He's not weak."

"That's what you said. Multiple times, not under the influence of any demonic or supernatural entity."

"I was wrong."

"And you think that will fly with Dean? I mean come on, I don't know your brother all that well, but even I know he would be able to sniff out that utter bull shit."

"It's not bull shit."

"It is Sam. Because if you truly didn't believe that, you wouldn't be with me, you wouldn't have let him leave. Truth is, deep down, you wanted him gone. But now you feel guilty. Give it up Sam. He doesn't want you and you don't want him. You can't tell me you miss his screaming in his sleep, or leaving things all over the place, or the dirty clothes, or the food that looks like it is morphing into something else, or taking all of the jobs that he wants to do, or falling in line, or all of the poor pity me moments he has. You can't possibly tell me that you miss that Sam. You complained about it and complained about it, and now, now you tell me that you want to run back, even when he doesn't want you." Sam starred hard into her eyes and debated her words.

"He doesn't want me?"

"No. It's big news on the demon phone tree. Dean Winchester doesn't want Sam Winchester, the freak, anywhere near him. Every demon knows this now. Hell changed Dean. Changed him a lot. He was on the fast track to becoming a demon, Sam. People change, and some don't change for the better." Sam licked his lips and considered it.

"I need a shower."

He said and went to the bathroom, stopped and turned around, "Why didn't you tell me that he had been hurt and the rest?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings Sam. I'm sorry." Sam nodded and went into the bathroom and the door shut and the water turned on and Ruby smirked to herself.

"Almost as easy as taking candy from a baby."

********

Bobby went into the den carrying dinner on a tray for the two of them. Since Dean's run in with the multiple demon party while protecting a seal, he was staying in the den recuperating.

"Broken legs a bitch isn't it?" Bobby asked as he entered. Dean looked up from the book he was reading and nodded.

"Damn straight. Forgot just how much of a bitch. Haven't broken a bone since I was in high school." He said gruffly. Bobby put the tray on his desk and pulled two chairs to it and Dean hobbled over and sat down in his chair and groaned. Bobby looked surreptitiously at the boy and his gut twisted tighter. Ever since the accident and the demon's proclamation that they were under orders from their new king, the king that Yellow Eyes had anointed, Dean had been different, he had changed so drastically that it he was almost unrecognizable. The most significant change was the amulet that he had worn since he was 14 was missing from around his neck, and in its place was a thin silver crucifix.

"Your ribs feeling better?"

"Yeah a little." Dean said as he took a spoonful of mashed potatoes out of the bowl. "At least I can breathe a little easier." He handed the bowl back to Bobby and tucked into the potatoes. "That Pontiac still out there?"

"The Pontiac can wait Dean."

"I'm going stir crazy here Bobby."

"You will wait until you can do more than just breathe. When you can take a deep breath without looking like you just sucked on a lemon then I might consider letting you into the office."

Dean put his fork down, and his tired green eyes gave a ghost of the glare they used to be able to give. "Bobby I'm not a child."

"No, but you have a cast from your ankle to your hip."

"Eh, get me under the car and I'll be fine, don't need to stand up for that."

"Still not gonna let you boy." Dean huffed and looked down at his plate and picked at the vegetables that were scattered around. He hadn't eaten a lot since that last battle.

"Castiel came by. Said that when I'm healed they will have another mission for me. Looks like Lilith and her crew are busy."

"You must miss your back up."

"I don't' miss anything. I'm fine Bobby."

"You know they were lying."

"Bobby I don't want to talk about this." He said and put his fork down on the plate.

"Dean you have to talk about it."

"What do I have to talk about?" he asked starting to get angry, first for Bobby bringing up the subject and second for the fact that he needed help getting out of the chair so he couldn't get away.

"We need to talk about Sam." He said and Dean leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We most certainly do not need to talk about the boy king."

"Dean."

"Look. I didn't save him, my next move, and the only thing I will ever need to talk about is how to kill him."

"Dean. You don't mean that."

"I do. It's the only job I have left to do. Dad told me that it was my responsibility to save him and if I couldn't I would have to kill him. Hell, even the angels told me that either I take care of him or they will. So I guess the only discussion I need to have regarding Sam is whether or not a regular bullet will kill him, or if a special demon killing bullet or knife is required to do the trick."

"Dean."

"That is my next hunt Bobby. I'm gonna hunt my own brother. Now. Can we please not talk about this?" he asked the end softly and leaned forward and began to pick at his food again.

"Dean." Bobby exhaled and nodded and went back to his own plate and began picking at his supper, neither man was interested in the food anymore.

*****

**AN: Again I'm completely flabbergasted as to the amount of reviews that this story is receiving. **

**Thanks again to the following who reviewed:**

**Amy,** **anjali23sk****, ****angeleyenc**,**babyreaper**, **Caramel, ****cozmikfaerie**, **dreamwriter17** **driver picks the music**, **EmmelleN****,** **EnglishLass**, **Fiona**, **gatorpez****,** **Iuliana****,** **JadeAlmasy**, **LJR**, **Nash Carter**, **PhoenixDragonDreamer****2009****RedDragen**, **Sofia2007** **Stony Angel**, **wcfan**

**I am enjoying reading all of your reviews. I am trying to get to them. It will just take me some time. But for now, I hope that this humble thanks is sufficient. **


	5. Hurt and Blame

Sam allowed himself the tears in the shower that he didn't allow himself any other time. So many things were going through his head, and the one that bounced the hardest and the loudest was the one wondering how Dean was. Wondering if his brother was in the hospital, or conscious, and wanting to be there, wanting to be by his side, listening to his complaining and his whining, because that was Dean's way of saying that he was okay, that he would be okay and that there was no real reason for little brother to worry. But all Sam knew was that his brother was at Bobby's, or he could be at the hospital, he didn't know, and that brought about another stab of pain to his gut and made him want to wretch, he really didn't know where his brother was, didn't know if he was in trouble, hurting, or what. While at Stanford, he had been reassured by the fact that Bobby called him every so often to let him know how his brother and father were doing, and knew that he would tell him if something major happened, but now, Bobby hadn't called, anything.

The shower started to run cold, and he turned the water off reluctantly, and rested his head against the cracked tile. His hands hung limp at his sides and he tried again for the millionth time to remember why he wasn't with his brother, why he wasn't by his bother's side, why he hadn't stopped whatever demon from breaking his leg and ribs, because if he would have been there he would have taken that son of a bitch down and kept his brother from being further harmed. Demons had harmed his brother enough in hell, they had taken his soul and cut it to ribbons, destroyed him, made him do what they did, and now that he was out of the pit, whole, they were doing it again and this time when they ripped him to shreds there would be no magic and there would be no putting him back together again.

The water was cooling on his chest, and the air in the motel was cold and he shivered.

"Sam? You okay in there?" Then he remembered why he wasn't with Dean. Sam chose Ruby, a demon, over his brother. And Dean had left. Dean left him this time, not the other way around. That was why his heart hurt so bad, and why he was so willing to hear that his brother hated him, thought he was a freak, because he had been left, because Dean didn't want him anymore.

"I'm fine."

"Come on! Hurry up. Just got some intel on Lilith." Intel on Lilith. That could wait, this whole damn thing could wait. Dean was hurt, and he was alone, and he needed to know how he was. Sam threw on the clothes he had discarded before his shower and looked at the door, he couldn't go out there and just tell Ruby that he was going back to Dean, going to check in on him, she would tell him that everything was fine, that Dean didn't want him, and even if that was true, he still had to check, still had to know. He climbed onto the toilet, and climbed out of the window that was above it, he shoved his shoulders through, abraded them through his clothes and hit the ground running to the car that he had left running.

He slammed the door and took the car out of park and burned rubber getting out of the parking lot muttering, "Let's go bring Dean home."

***

"I'll be damned." Bobby muttered as he watched the Impala pull up in front of his house. Immediately he put the coffee cup he was holding down and hurried out of the house.

"Sam?" he questioned as Sam got out of the car.

"Bobby. Dean's hurt?"

"Yeah." Bobby said with a nod.

"Bad?"

"Cracked some ribs, a little internal bleeding, and a compound fracture in his leg."

"He okay?"

"He's your brother. Got a hard head."

"I want to see him."

"I don't know how good of an idea that is boy."

"I don't care what you think about this Bobby. He's my brother." Sam said and pushed by the elder hunter and hurried inside.

"Dean?" Sam called out as he opened the door and stepped inside.

"Oh, Lord help us all, this isn't going to be pretty." Bobby sighed and sat down on the front step of his porch. He most certainly wasn't going to get in the middle of this one.

"Dean?" Sam called again, and was still not rewarded with a response. He went into the kitchen and found his brother, clad in a grey tee shirt and black windbreaker pants, standing with his back to his brother at the sink.

"Dean?" Sam tried again.

"What do you want?"

"I heard that you were hurt." He said tentatively and stepped a half a step closer to his big brother.

"Who told you? Ruby?"

"No. Ellen. Ruby just confirmed it."

"What? A hunter's word ain't good enough for you now?"

"That's not what I meant Dean." Dean hobbled a little and maneuvered himself to face Sam. His body moved slowly, and with deliberate effort, but that wasn't what Sam saw when he was face to face with Dean. It wasn't the cuts, or the bruises, or the way he held his arm over his chest as if he were protecting his ribs, or the way he leaned back against the counter trying to take some of his weight off of his legs, what he saw first was the anger in his brother's eyes, they practically glittered with anger and hurt, and then he saw it. The necklace. It was no longer the amulet that Dean had worn since childhood. No longer the Christmas gift that had that had had the honored position of resting right next to his brother's heart. It had been replaced, with a silver cross, it had been replaced, Sam had been replaced. Sam swallowed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Then what exactly did you mean Sam?"

"I was, I was headed here already when Ruby said what happened."

"Said what had happened? Did she feel the need to share with you that it was her little demon pals. You know, demons, the things with the black eyes that you don't trust because they want to kill us, the ones that killed Jessica, the love of your life. Remember those demons."

"Don't you bring Jessica into this."

"Why not? I mean come on. You think this would be okay with her? She was killed by the very demon that put that blood into you."

"And I'm trying to do something…"

"Yeah yeah yeah, something great with it, because you can't rip it out or scrub it clean, yeah I heard you the first time." Sam blinked. Dean had never in his life been this intentionally crewel to anyone before, and he was suddenly pissed off.

"How dare you Dean? You of all people."

"Here we go again." Dean said with an eye roll and a sigh.

That just made Sam's blood boil that much hotter and he felt his face getting warm and his hands clenched, "I'm not the one who sliced and diced people to keep my own ass out of the fire." He said knowing exactly which button to push, knowing which buttons would make Dean as angry and hurt as Sam was.

Sam was provided with instant gratification when Dean snapped to attention. Sam had pushed the big red button. "You have no idea what it was like in the pit." He said with a force that could have knocked a lesser man to his knees.

"Whatever, you made your choice and it was to hurt people."

"I didn't have any other choice."

"Bull shit. You had another choice. You had other choices."

"So did you! You stayed here, didn't mourn me a second…"

"What the fuck?! I—"

"Quit pretending Sam. You didn't spend an ounce of worry on me."

"What?! Have you ever met me before?"

"That's the whole problem isn't it? I don't know you anymore."

"Goes both way." Sam said coldly.

"At least I did what I did because I loved you."

"I never asked-"

"Because I wanted to see you have a good life."

"It was-"

"And look at what you did. You wasted my sacrifice so you could go romp in the sheets with some demon."

"I never fucking asked for you to sell your soul for me!" Sam yelled practically at the top of his lungs. "I never wanted you to go to hell for me!"

"Whatever Sam. You've never known me. 'been watching you since I was four.' Bull. That is complete and utter crap that you tell a dying man to make him feel better. You've always wanted to be anything other than me."

"Can you blame me? Really? Who wants this life?"

"More like who wants a brother like me."

"God! Get off of your pity pot. Grow some balls."

"I'm not the one with the lack of balls."

"What?" Sam asked coldly.

"You heard me. I'm not the one being led by my dick by whore who just wants to turn me into a demon."

"You really think this is all about the sex?" Sam asked quietly

"And you really think this is all about your powers?" Dean asked just as softly.

"I think I don't know who you are anymore."

"I don't think you've ever really known me."

"It's not like you are complicated. Food. Women. Hunt. Car. Protect Sammy. There isn't anything else to Dean Winchester."

"Then you just proved that you have never ever listened to me or knew who I was, even before Hell.' Sam starred at him. All of the fight was out of him. He didn't know what to say. What did you say when you realize that you may not really know the man who went to Hell for you? Dean sighed. "Why did you even come here?"

Sam shifted slightly and licked his lips. He looked up at Dean through a fringe of bangs. "I wanted to see if you were okay. I wanted to…see…"

"To see if we could get back what we had?"

"Something like that." Sam admitted sheepishly.

Dean nodded, rested his palms against the counter and licked his lips before turning to look Sam in the eyes. "You still with Ruby?"

"She didn't come with me."

"No. I mean are you still working with her?"

"Yeah."

Dean shrugged. "Then just get out. Just stay away until you realize that she is just trying to hurt you, until you realize that just maybe, I'm intelligent enough to know that she is being a manipulative bitch. She's not trying to help you cultivate your powers to help people Sam. She needs you to be this….this…demon thing….she needs you to fulfill your destiny. And just know…that if you do become that….I will do what Dad asked of me. I will do it Sam." Sam felt a cold chill run down his spine. Dean was serious. Sam swallowed. "Just go Sam. I'm fine, in one piece, no worries. Just got knocked around pretty good. There you've fulfilled your obligation. Go back to your demon bitch." Dean sighed and grabbed for the crutches that were to his left and quickly hobbled out of the kitchen. Sam, angry and sad, turned on his heel and left the room and didn't notice that Dean was watching him and instead of anger his eyes reflected the hurt of a lonely man and he whispered, "I miss you Sammy."


	6. Wish

"Why did you push him away?" Bobby asked as he fixed supper. Dean looked up from the book he was skimming a little startled by the question. Bobby wasn't one for caring and sharing anymore than he was.

"I had to." He said simply returning his attention to the book in front of him.

"That's bull. Why did you do it?"

"Bobby." Dean sighed and ran a hand across his eyes. "Just leave it."

"I won't just leave it."

"I don't want to talk about it." Bobby dropped a plate in front of him, some of potatoes jumped off of the plate and into his lap. "Hey! Watch it." He grumbled and pulled the offending slices of greasy goodness off of his lap and put them in his mouth and glared at Bobby as he rounded the table and sat in front of the weary thirty year old.

"Well that is just too bad Winchester; I want to hear about it." Bobby threw a potato in his mouth and leveled a look at Dean that would have brought most hunters to their knees. He had cut that look on the Winchesters when they were little tykes running around the salvage yard. Dean had earned more than his fair share of that look, and he thought that with everything that had happened to him in the last year, and the sheer fact that he was now thirty years old that the look shouldn't affect him any longer, but there it was, and it was leveling him like a child, and he felt that tingle in his stomach that told him he better damn well start talking or Bobby might try and figure out how exactly to pull someone's spleen out through their nose.

"I had to push him away. With Cass and the other angels sitting on my door step all of the time, I just can't risk that Sam might do something demonic in front of them and then I would have to watch them smite him, watch them turn my baby brother, the man that I helped raise, the man that has fought at my side for years, turned to dust because he made a mistake."

"One hell of a mistake." Bobby grumbled.

"Damn straight it is one whopper of a mistake. Sam was never one to do anything half ass that is for sure." Dean sighed and picked at the meat loaf on his plate. "But Bobby, it can't be all Sam making these decisions. I know my brother, I thought I knew my brother, I thought I raised him differently, that no matter what was said to him or what happened to him he would be able to come back out the other side the same man. There is something else here at work. More that just his psychic whatever, there is something more fishy going on, and until either I figure it out or Sam does, I need him away from me, I need him out there being elusive. I need him to stay away from the angels."

"After everything you are still going to protect him."

"It's my job to protect Sam." Bobby wanted to throttle that kid. That was always his line. 'It's my job.' Dean's job wasn't to protect Sam, or to take care of him, it wasn't like the kid was put on earth for the soul purpose of taking care of his brother. God knew that he hadn't been pulled from the pit because he needed to protect Sam. Why in the hell was Dean so focused on that? Bobby sighed inwardly. There was no point in starting that argument, he would get nowhere. So instead, he went in a different direction, one in which Dean's answer couldn't be 'he's my brother' or 'it's my job.'

"How can you be so sure that it isn't all Sam?"

"He came to check on me." Dean said without hesitation.

"That's it? He came to see you? That is the dead give away?"

"Well, yeah." Dean said with a shrug.

"He said hateful and hurtful things to you, has gone against everything that the two of you have ever believed in, lied to you, treated you like an ass, and because he did one nice thing in what? Seven? Eight months? You think that he is being controlled or puppetized by Ruby and that it isn't Sam."

"Yeah."

"Son. Come on. Don't be an idiot. It can't be that easy. You know it isn't that easy. You can't keep fooling yourself Dean. Your brother is gone to us. He is whatever the demons intended. His coming here probably served one simple purpose."

"And what would that purpose be?" Dean demanded, clearly unhappy with the direction in which the conversation had turned.

"Assess what kind of threat you are. And now they know. You are pretty well and truly laid up right now."

"I don't believe that Bobby."

"You are trying to make up reasons…"

"Reasons for what?"

"Reasons not to kill your brother."

"I said that I would do it! Hell I promised Dad! I promised Cas. I promised myself. I promised Sam. I said that if he goes evil. And that is an IF, I will kill him. I swear to God I'll take care of it."

"You're losing your resolve."

"I am not!" Dean said and pounded the table with his fist.

"Dean, you are losing perspective. You came to me hotter than a hornet, hurt beyond anything I'd ever seen, and now he comes and sees you once in the what, two months you've been here, just to see what shape you are in, and you are willing to let go of that anger, let go of everything because you miss the kid?"

Dean licked his lips and thought about that. Bobby was right in a lot of ways. However, the thought 'he's my brother' just kept coming back to his mind unbidden, like a recorded message in his brain. Was it time to completely throw out the old tape and record something new? Had that time officially come? Was it time to kill Sammy? "Do you think he's gone completely?" Dean asked finally.

"I don't know. I think it's pretty close though Dean."

"Should I have left him?"

"I think it proved what kind of man he has become."

"He's throwing everything away."

"He is."

"He's not my brother anymore is he?"

"That person that came to see you? No. I really don't think there is much left of your brother inside of that shell. I think there is more demon than man left."

Dean ran a hand through his short spiky hair and sighed. "It takes more time for someone to become a demon in the pit than it has taken my brother."

"Your brother had help. Special personalized help."

"I wanna believe that he'll come back."

"Dean, you know what wishful thinking does in our line of work."

Dean hesitated for a second and sighed. "It gets us killed."

"Yeah. It does. He can't be your weak spot anymore. You have to fight with everything you have. You have to start talking to Cas when he shows up again, you can't just brush him off with the "I'm broken" comment. You have to help. I need your help. The world needs your help. And I'm afraid that it will be your brother that we will need help stopping." Dean starred at Bobby and knew he was right, knew with his mind, with his hunting instincts, he knew that Bobby was right, but his heart said otherwise. His heart said that his baby brother wasn't a monster, wasn't a freak and that he was still in there. Dean took a deep breath and did what he always did, he tucked his heart down deep, and wrapped it up so it wouldn't be able to say anything and allowed his mind and instincts to win.

"You're right Bobby. Tomorrow, we need to start making a plan." Bobby nodded. He wished that he wasn't right, he wished that this could be avoided. But wishes didn't come true, and if they did they came out twisted and so distorted that they hurt you rather than helped, but damn, he wished, just this once, that Dean Winchester wouldn't be forced into a position that would hurt his soul more than it already was.


	7. Bored

After his conversation with Dean, Bobby went into the kitchen and started cleaning, he had to do something, non hunting related. For God's sake, tomorrow he was going to help Dean start devising a plan to take out Sam. The thought was like a blow to the gut and he put the rag down and put a hand on either side of the sink and leaned forward and sighed heavily.

"You did well." Bobby didn't even turn, didn't even blink, Castiel's sudden presence no longer startled him.

"I don't feel like I've done well. I feel like I'm cutting my own heart out of my chest."

"It needed to be done."

"I just convinced Dean that there is no other choice but to kill his brother."

"He needs to be so fortified."

"Is Sam really that far gone?" Bobby asked finally turning around.

"I don't know. My orders are just to keep Dean focused on the seals, and protecting innocents. He cannot do either of those constantly looking over his shoulder wondering if Sam is going to come and be by his side."

"You really think it's best to have him cut off from his brother? You once said that they were stronger as a team."

"They are. But when one is absent the one left behind is at his weakest. And Dean has been weak. He should not have been nearly as injured as he was on the last seal, but because he was constantly looking through the demons, trying to find his brother, he was almost killed.

"He was looking for Sam?" Bobby asked.

"He was. He will never admit it, but he was."

"Sam isn't exactly a follower." Bobby chuckled.

"That isn't true. Sam was a follower. He followed Dean. But Sam isn't inclined to follow his brother around any longer. Sam has grown up in many ways and become a man right under Dean's nose, and Dean is unable or unwilling to see that, and this forced separation, may open his eyes and see in his brother what I see."

"What do you see Castiel?"

"I see a man who lost his whole world and in an effort to regain some footing he slipped a little, and has fallen in with the wrong crowd, but his intentions are good, his heart is still in the right place."

"Is that what the other angels feel?"

"No. Unfortunately, it isn't."

******

When Sam returned to the motel that he and Ruby had been staying at, she just glared at him, fired a thousand and one questions and he refused to answer any of them. Instead he went directly to the shower and got clean. Sam felt like he had to scrub the last conversation with his brother off of him. He wanted to forget it even happened. It was all just too much for him. Washing, drying, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed took longer than normal, his body drug and he felt like time was moving at a snail's pace. And when he came out of the bathroom Ruby leveled a glare at him over the magazine she was reading, but she stopped asking questions because she knew that she wasn't going to get any answers. They moved on to the next city, without discussing Sam's abrupt and secret departure, and continued on their search for Lilith.

But, like a lot of times lately, after days of investigating, they found that the intel was indeed wrong. Days wasted. No lives saved. No monster hunted and vanquished. Simply running around chasing their tails. It frustrated Sam, that they never seemed to really find Lilith or even the aftermath that indicated that they were on the right trail, and lately it seemed as if they weren't even in the vicinity of demonic activity. All together it left a very dissatisfied taste in his mouth, made him feel jumpy and like he needed to do something. _Dean would know what to do._ Skittered across his mind. It was like he needed to set traps. Like he needed to trap the thoughts and kill them or at least beat them into submission. He couldn't let himself think like that. He was doing this for Dean.

Because he was doing this for his brother, he did his best to keep the restlessness at bay, keep the frustration from his voice when he spoke with Ruby regarding the latest news she had gathered on the demon whom had taken his brother from him, shredded him and left him dead and bleeding all over a stranger's floor. A family of strangers that Dean had helped save, strangers that helped Sam get his brother's body out of the house and into the car, a stranger who brushed blood soaked hair out of Sam's face and apologized for his loss and offered to help Sam in any way shape or form. Yes, he was doing this for Dean, doing it for all of the strangers that he could save. His life, his soul was a small price to pay.

But this night, after eating a light supper, the restlessness in his stomach acted like a caged tiger rattling its cage. The tiger was bored, his mind was bored, so bored in fact that he caught himself doing his multiplication tables in his head, just to think about something, anything really. Ruby didn't need his mind. Well, she needed it, she just didn't need the intelligence part. He remembered the hunt in which they learned Anna was in fact an angel, that Ruby had been surprised that he was a geek, or that he was into books. When Dean was gone, he hadn't been much for reading, his mind hadn't been able to focus on much other than killing demons or killing himself, whichever happened first. So without a hunt to research in months it felt as if his brain was about to decay, and add to that the extreme lack of conversation that the two of them engaged in, he barely spoke. Ruby and he didn't have a lot in common, therefore they didn't have a lot to talk about, because honestly, if they weren't chasing demons, they didn't have anything really to say, and Sam missed having inane conversations about horror flicks and chicks, or anything really. Ruby's knowledge of pop culture began and end with the middle ages, sometimes, she seemed to have a clue, but overall, not so much. And Sam missed having conversations, missed talking about past hunts, missed arguing. He just missed it all. _I can't think like this. I'm doing this for Dean. Lilith has to be taken down, has to. _ Sam reminded himself on the drive back to the motel.

Once back at the motel, Ruby went straight for the shower, and left Sam to his own devices. He shed his tan jacket and sat down on the bed heavily and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and spied his computer on the table. It had been days since he had used it for anything other than mapquest. He sat down in front of his computer and looked through his favorite places and decided to surf some of his favorite paranormal websites and became completely engrossed. So engrossed that he didn't hear Ruby get out of the shower, or the door open, or sense her standing behind him,

"You have to be more on the ball than this Sam, or you will get us both killed."

"We need to go to Denver." He said quickly, as he scrolled through the information on the screen.

"You get a bead on Lilith?" she asked suddenly taking interest in the box in front of him.

"No. There's something weird going on there. People are dying."

"That's what happens Sam. People die." She said suddenly not so interested in the computer and turning to sit on the bed behind him.

"No. They are dying in weird ways. Really weird. This chick…."

"Sam I'm not interested." She said with a sigh.

"What?"

"I don't care how these people are dying. I don't care if little Billy Bob had his lungs ripped out through his back, I don't care if a man went postal and killed everyone at work, or someone died by having their insides liquefied. They aren't going to help us one iota in finding Lilith and stopping her."

"I don't see us doing anything productive right now." He countered.

"But something could come up and we need to be ready to go at a moments notice."

"But while we are sitting here with our thumbs up our asses we could be out there, saving people, hunting things."

She actually laughed. "Who do I look like to you Sam? I don't' want to hunt anything but Lilith. I just want to find her and kill the little bitch. I don't want to go hunting a werewolf, a vampire, a djin, or whatever else you can come up with. I ain't a hunter. I'm a demon. I'm looking to kill just one specific demon, and that's it. It thought that was what you were after too." Sam closed his eyes and tried to digest what she just said.

"But, there are people out there that need my help. Help that only people like me can provide."

"Let some other hunter do it. You have a much greater purpose, and we can't risk you being injured by some nut job ghost when the time comes to get Lilith."

"But the only up part of this job is saving people."

"We will save the whole world when you take Lilith down." Sam shook his head and stood up.

"I'm going to Denver. You can come," He pulled on his jacket. "You can not come. I don't really care. But there are people out there that need my help. That's what this life is all about."

"Or is that just what your brother does to make this life worth it?"

"This has nothing to do with Dean."

"Doesn't it?"

"No. It doesn't. It is about innocent people, who don't know what is out there in the dark and need protecting from it. It was how I was raised. It is who I am."

"No, Sam, you are not that person anymore. You are a demon hunter, you have the power—"

"I don't care. I need to do this. My brain is turning to liquid sitting here day after day waiting for some magical intelligence report to come down and share where Lilith MIGHT be. I need to do something, keep myself sharp, be ready for anything. I need to do this." He picked up his bag and headed towards the door.

Ruby snorted and he stopped. "What?" he demanded.

"Sam, you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Allowing your brother to lead you around like a puppy dog."

"No. I'm not. I'm doing what is right. Which is the only reason I've been with you for this long. I'm only helping you, ruining my relationship with my brother, because it will save my brother, it will save the people I love. My soul is a small thing to sacrifice for it. I can't ever let Dean go back to hell, not after I found out what happened to him, I can't let Lilith ever get her hooks into him. I can't let my brother suffer anymore."

"Yet you are about to go hunt something inconsequential…"

"Not inconsequential. No saved life is that."

"Sam. I need you ready."

"Whatever." He said with an eye roll. "I'm out of here." He closed the door and got in the Impala and started it. Ruby, opened the passenger's side door and got in.

"I'm going. Only because if I hear anything I want to be able to get to you quickly." She crossed her arms over her breasts and sighed. "I still think you're a fool." Sam said nothing. He just started to drive. Maybe there was hope for his soul yet.

Ruby sighed as the car pulled out of the parking lot. She was losing her control. He was way too assertive. She would definitely do something about that at their next stop, make sure he knew who was really in control.

**AN: I had this chapter planned last night, just didn't have the time to write it. I realize that the last couple of chapters have been from Dean's perspective. I needed to set him up, and now I'm setting Sam up. I hope everyone likes this. Please let me know!**


	8. Ruby

He hunted, he slept, he researched, and he hunted some more. His head was so far buried in a book most of the time that he didn't eat, and he most certainly didn't stop to talk to her. Ruby, was most frustrated, by this version of Sam. Sam was one who tended to get obsessive, that she knew, that was what she banked on, hoped for, and drove him towards, but she had never seen him so driven to find some monster of the week before. She hated to admit it even to herself but he was good, damn good. She noted several times that he did things in a manner that reminded her of Dean, it was the first time since she had taken over his life that she noted he had anything in common with his elder brother.

However, when he finished the hunt, she thought they were finished with this nonsense, thought that they could go and do something more productive, get him back using his powers, mold him into the type of man she wanted, the type of man that the demons needed. Instead of just following her blindly this time, he went straight to the computer and began looking for another hunt.

"What are you doing Sam?" she asked from behind him.

"There is something weird going on in Colorado."

"Sam. Demons."

"They aren't doing anything right now…"

"Yeah, yeah, saving people." She said with an eye roll.

"Hey, you don't like it, you can leave." She was a little shocked and a little pissed at the same time. Sam didn't speak to her like this while Dean was dead. Maybe she needed to remedy that little problem. It was like that last encounter with his brother had changed him, or made him realize something, something that she and the other demons didn't want him remembering or realizing about himself. She decided to try a different tact. She put her hands on his shoulders and rested her chin on his head.

"So what poor little innocent are you going to try and save this time?" she asked. He shrugged her chin off of his head and he leaned forward and studied the computer.

"Man…I bet Bobby.." he stopped, and his reflection in the window showed him licking his lips and looking back down at the computer. Pain and sadness were in those eyes. She could work with that.

"Bobby what?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"What? Isn't Bobby speaking to you either?"

"He's protecting Dean."

"Your brother doesn't need protecting." She laughed.

"When he's hurt he does. If he doesn't have someone to watch his back he'll go against doctor's orders and do something exceptionally stupid. It's just what he does."

"Your brother does that when he's not injured. He just does stupid things."

"No. He does what is best for others and not what is best for himself." He said and she heard how each word now contained a bite that they hadn't earlier. She was treading on thin ice, and she knew it, it was similar to the ice she skated while he was grieving for his brother, she made some serious missteps then, fallen through that ice, and he hadn't noticed them, but now that he was more or less together he would notice and remember if she made mistakes now.

"Is he protecting you now too?" She felt his shoulders stiffen and for a second she worried that he would turn on her.

"He tried. I rejected it. That's why I'm here." The implied "with you" hung in the air around them.

"Thanks Sam. Girls just love it when you sweet talk them like that."

"Just shut up." he said and continued to read the article that was in front of him. She took her hands off of his shoulders and went to the bed and slumped down and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sam, we need to practice pulling demons…" He turned around and leveled a glare at her that could have ripped her demonic smoke tail right out of coma girl's body. Sam simply wasn't scary because he could pull demons, but because he could hurt you. Just hurt anyone. The look reminded her of just how large he really was and she suddenly felt small. It took all that she had to keep her butt firmly planted where it was.

"If you say that one more time, I will start practicing again and you will be my first test subject. So I suggest you leave me the hell alone. I am going to hunt until you can come up with any type of substantial lead on Lilith. I have listened to you way too long. I gave up a lot because of you and I'm not going to waste that sacrifice. So, why not, instead of sitting on your ass and hounding me, you go out there and get some reliable intelligence on Lilith? That, I think, would be a very smart move for you. Get the fuck out of here and don't come back until you have something to report."

"What the hell crawled up your ass and died?" she demanded.

"What do you expect when you push a guy to go evil?" Ruby narrowed her eyes as she stood and went towards the door. It was time to bust out the big guns, manipulation and coercion wasn't working anymore, she would not lose this, she tore his brother out of the picture, and by God she was not going to let this one out of her grasp, he was her ticket, her golden ticket and she wasn't about to lose it.

***

Dean was feeling better and stronger. The cast came off and he was exercising the leg to get it up to full strength. More often than not, Dean was out running, exercising his body, trying to make it as strong as possible. While it wasn't out of character, it was disconcerting to watch the boy push himself and ready himself for the simple act of taking down someone he loved more than anything. Once in a while, Bobby caught Dean sitting in the living room reading the Bible, when asked, he simply mumbled "research" and continued to read the text.

But the shock of it all came the day that Dean sat in front of him and said, "Sam killed a hunter." Bobby almost fell backwards in his chair.

"What?"

"Just got a call from an old friend. Sam killed a hunter." Bobby felt the blood drain from his face. It was starting. Cass had forewarned that the time for action was near, and it looked like near was a lot sooner than Bobby had thought.

"He's turned?"

"Seems like it Bobby."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to do exactly what Dad taught me to do, and I'm going to follow his last order." Dean said. His eyes never wavered from Bobby's and Bobby read the determination and the conviction, but he also read the pain, sadness and fear that lurked beneath the determination, and that broke his heart.


	9. Last Hunt

**AN: I've spent three days trying to work this chapter out correctly. I hope it works for you guys! Thanks again everyone for reviewing this story. I am truly humbled. **

Gearing up for his hunt, probably his final hunt, because after killing his brother, he wanted out of this game, if that meant letting Castiel send him back to hell, then so be it, he deserved to be there, because he was about to kill the single most important person ever to enter his life. His hands shook, literally shook, he watched them with interest, because never before in his hunting career had his hands shook. Not the day he came face to face with the Yellow Eyed Demon, not the day he came face to face with his own death, and not the day that Alistair came from Hell and flung him and Sam about. Fear, was something he was good at using against the enemy. But now, he starred in amazement as his hands shook. He was really going to do this. He was really going to kill his brother, because he failed Sam, he hadn't been able to save him. By dying, by saving his brother's mortal life, he had condemned his eternal one, and Dean had to believe that by killing his brother he would be saving lives, and averting the apocalypse. He had to believe that or there was no point in continuing.

"You ready son?" Bobby asked startling Dean out of his thoughts. Dean straightened, zipped up his bag, threw it on his shoulder and turned.

"I'm ready."

"Am I riding with you?"

"I don't want you to come Bobby."

"But son,"

"I don't want you to witness this…I don't…." He stopped, not quite sure what he wanted to say after that. He shrugged.

"But when it's over. You will need some help transporting him back here for the cremation."

"No. If I'm going to end his life, then I'm going to be the one responsible for taking care of the body." Dean said and started towards the door, and stopped in front of Bobby.

"Dean. What…"

"When I get back, I'm not hunting anything ever again. Once I take my brother out…." He shook his head and his lips puckered out as he tried not to cry. "Once that's done. I'm done. I can't live this life anymore, and I can't live it without Sammy anymore. I can't Bobby. Once he's gone, demons will have taken my entire family. And if Castiel," Dean laughed a sad laugh. "If he wants to throw me back into the pitt, then so be it. I can't do this. Just can't."

"Cass won't send you back Dean. I know he won't."

"Whatever. I don't really care. I deserve to be there, especially after what I'm about to do. Excuse me Bobby." He pushed past Bobby and into the hall.

"You know where he is?" Bobby asked finally.

"Yeah I do. I put something in the engine of the Impala that I can track. One single place he would never think to look." Bobby shook his head.

"That's why you left the car?"

"Yeah." Dean said sadly. "I had to keep an eye on him, even if it was from a distance."

"So you knew he was coming here? That last time?"

"Yeah, knew it. Was prepared for it." Dean nodded, adjusted the duffel on his shoulder and sighed. "See you around Bobby."

Bobby watched sadly as Dean walked down the stairs, and he fell against the doorframe when he heard his door shut. His boys, his family, was about to die. Once Sam was dead, Dean, even if his body and soul remained on Earth, would be destroyed. Bobby rubbed his hand down his face and sighed. He was about to lose them both, all at the same time. Maybe it was time he hang up his boots, call it a day, and just die.

***

Dean drove and drove. A turn here, a turn there, a stop for gas, a stop for food, a stop to throw up the food, a stop to rest on the side of the road and contemplate exactly what it was he was doing, a stop to sleep, a stop to pee, and a final stop, the stop that would lead him inside the abandoned building where his brother was residing, and the final stop for his life. Dean got out of the car, went to the trunk and retrieved one weapon, his gun, his favorite gun, and slammed it shut, not caring if anyone heard it, not caring if Sam heard him coming.

He took a deep breath, and proceeded into the run down house that probably at one point housed a lovely family, it was only fitting that Sam would die in a house, where a family once resided, a normal family, a family like the one that Sam had wanted growing up, a house like the one Dean had never been able to provide for his brother, a house that was broken, like Dean was, a house that was run down and dirty, like Sam was. It truly was the perfect venue for Sam's final hour, and the decimation of Dean's soul. Whatever Alistair had started in the pitt, Dean would finish the moment he pulled the trigger against the base of Sam's skull. Dean didn't even bother hiding the weapon, he carried it naked in his right hand and walked up to the door. He didn't even bother knocking, he kicked it open, and it fell right down. Inside, was not what he expected. Sam was huddled on the floor, his long legs bunched up around his face and shoulders, and his arms covering his face. His body was shaking. Dean fortified himself. This was surly a trick. A demon trick, they knew that he was coming. Ruby was probably waiting in the wings, just waiting for Dean to kneel down in front of Sammy, put a hand on his shaking shoulder and ask him if he was okay.

"Dean?" Sam asked as he lifted his head.

"Sam."

"Dean, I didn't mean to." He blurted.

"I know Sammy. I know you didn't mean to do it." Sam saw the gun in his brother's hand and his eyes lifted to Dean's. A fat tear rolled down his face. Flashes of a ten year old Sammy with those same tears strolling down his face after a bad skinned knee, of a 15 year old Sammy when the girl of his dreams refused to go out with a transient poor bastard, and of a 22 year old Sammy when the love of his life died in a tragic demon inspired fire. He gave himself a mental shake, clear his mind of those images, because Sammy no longer existed. He had been eaten alive by demon blood and conniving demons.

"What's that for Dean?" he asked.

"I came to help." Dean said cryptically. Sam's body continued to shake and he looked down at the gun in his brother's hand and then back to his eyes.

"Help?"

"I came to set you free Sammy." Dean said quietly, his voice was starting to betray just how much this was bothering him.

"You came to kill me."

"I came to do what Dad told me to do."

"You came to put a bullet in my brain. Dean….I didn't mean to kill him." Sam's voice was starting to hold a hysterical note to it. "He was like Gordon. He came after me. Found out about me and Ruby."

"I don't believe you Sam."

"It's true Dean. It's true. I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to hurt him. He was a hunter, God, he was a friend of ours, I didn't want to. I didn't want to do it Dean. You have to believe me. Please. I'm your brother."

"And you are a demon. Demons lie."

"I am not a demon. Dean I promise, I'm not! I didn't go after that hunter."

"That's what happened when Meg possessed you." Dean raised the gun so it was pointed at Sam's head.

"Dean. I swear. Please. Please believe me. Please." Tears started rolling at a more frantic pace, and he was pale and he wouldn't quit shaking.

"Sammy, I can't believe you anymore. I just can't." Dean steadied himself and was just about to pull the trigger when Sam flicked his wrist and the gun was out of his hands and on the floor. Dean stood up straighter and looked at his brother with horror.

"I can't let you kill me Dean. I can't." Sam said still sobbing. "I'm not a demon."

"What the hell did you just do then? Put a magnet in my gun?" he asked and before Sam knew what he was about, Dean had him by the throat. "Go ahead, use your demon powers, go ahead pull my soul out of my body through my mouth. Do it you son of a bitch." Dean seethed.

"I wouldn't do that to you Dean." Sam said shakily.

"But you could do it." Sam's eyes went wide realizing what he said to his brother. "Admit it you little bastard. Admit it!"

"I could."

"You are just a liar." He said with such anger and betrayal that Sam could feel it burning along his skin.

"Dean, I didn't…"

"Save it for a hunter that's dumb enough to buy the crap you are selling." Dean reached back and pulled a knife from the back of his jeans and just as he was about to sail the knife home he was thrown from Sam's body.

Dean shook the cobwebs out of his head long enough to see Ruby strolling towards him. "You are just a pain in the ass Dean." Dean tried to scramble to all fours, and move backwards.

"Ruby! No!" Sam called from the other side struggling to get his long legs underneath him. Ruby's hand went up and she smiled, that evil smile, and flung Dean against the wall, enjoying the sound of his body connecting with the wall, and the subsequent sound of his body crumple to the floor.

"You think you're tough." Ruby said as she inched closer to Dean. "You think you can do whatever you want, because he's your brother? Well think again. He's more demon now than he is your brother." She said quietly. "What do you think it is you are doing, anyway? Being a good little soldier and following your daddy's orders? Yeah, that's exactly what you are doing, because you are pathetic and weak Dean. You always have been, and you always will…" she stopped because there was a tickle in the back of her throat. She coughed a little and swallowed. She turned around and saw Sam standing, weak, eyes blazing, and trying to pull her out of her meat suit.

"Leave my brother alone." She smiled.

"You really aren't even trying that hard Sam. Just like you didn't try that hard to resist me in the first place, you didn't even try hard to keep from killing that hunter." She laughed and grabbed his arm and pushed it down. "That's a good boy Sammy. That's a good boy. She leaned in and kissed him. "That's my good Sammy." She purred and petted his hair away from his face.

Dean seethed. Dean watched as his brother was being manipulated, turned into a demon, by a bitch he knew he should have killed in the light of the Impala's headlights those many many nights ago.

"Leave him alone." Dean finally managed to wheeze.

"Oh baby, he's mine now." She said as she looked away from Sam's slack features. She gestured towards Sam. "See, completely under my spell. In a little bit, he will do exactly as I say. Remember when he did that for you? Remember when you were the driving force in his life?" she started towards him and laugh. "Well hot shot. Look at him now. If I were you. I'd run before Sammy got his groove back on, because he can pull anything that has been in hell out of its meat suit and send it back." Dean's eyes widened. Her face was mere inches from his. He could feel her breath, smell the sulfur radiating off of her body. "Looks like that means he can rip you out and send you back to hell too buddy. You might want to get the hell out of here while the getting's good."

"I'm going to kill you." Dean said low and threatening.

"Oh, even with your angels on your shoulder, you aren't ever going to hurt a hair on my head." She laughed. "Now get the fuck up and leave this place, leave me to it. You aren't his protector any longer. You failed Dean. You failed."

Dean scrambled up and like a coward he left. He hurried out to the Impala and drove away.

"Sam! Sam! Are you okay?" Ruby asked frantically. He snapped out of the trance he was in and looked around.

"Where's Dean?"

"He left. Said you weren't worth it."

"What?"

"He said that he didn't want to waste his time on you."

"That doesn't sound right Ruby." She shrugged.

"God only knows what those angels are doing to his head." She sighed. Her hold over Sam, broke the last.


	10. Blood of the Damned

The all call had been sounded. Castiel found out that the last seal was about to be broken, and Dean had to get there, stop Lilith, stop the other demons, and above all else, stop Sam. So, Dean found himself in the Impala, Bobby sitting shot gun, driving as fast as he could, and the divine helping him out, by blinding the cops to his speed, and drove to a little out of the way town, in the middle of Iowa. As soon as they entered the town, Dean felt the demonic presence surrounding him, it was cold and scorching, it was misery and hopelessness trying to penetrate his mind, body, and soul. He turned to Bobby.

"They can't get you. Not with the protection. They can't get up in you, but they can change how you feel. Bobby, please, I need you at my back."

"I'm here son. No damn demon is going to make me want to tuck tail and run."

"Okay. Let's do this." Bobby nodded and the two men got out of the car. Castiel was behind them suddenly.

"Dean, Bobby. The church two miles into the woods, there is a seal, it is similar to the devil's gates that were opened in Wyoming. We must keep the doors shut." Dean nodded as did Bobby and the angel disappeared. Dean immediately went to the trunk and started gathering supplies.

"S…" Dean grimaced at his own mistake. "Bobby."

Bobby put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay son."

"No it is NOT okay Bobby! My brother should be fighting beside me, not on the other side. Damn it!" he swore and threw the gun back into the trunk. He ran a hand through his hair and reigned in his emotions. "Okay. Let's get this done."

And the two charged in. When they got there, demons and hunters were already there, fighting, screaming, dying, and trying with everything they had to win for their side. Dean stood off to the side, watched for a while, strategizing, Bobby ran for the center with a "Be careful" thrown over his shoulder. Dean just barely nodded and continued to look around. The demons were fighting thickly around the entrance of the church, they were trying to keep hunters out, and those hunters that were inside very much in. From the looks of things, they were winning, hunters were scattered about the ground, it looked like the pictures Dean had seen in history books, chronicling the time of WWII.

Dean was about to go in, just like their father had taught him, find the weakest point and go from there, when he saw Ruby, and Sam behind her. His blood boiled, and then he was poisoned with his own sadness. He took a deep breath and resolved to fight his own brother, kill him if necessary. He would not let Sam be his weak spot, he would not let the demons win this war. He was Dean Freaking Winchester. Son of John Winchester, he was strong, he would fight, and he had hell knowledge this time, and he wasn't afraid, for the first time since his return trip upstairs, he wasn't scared, he wasn't going to cower, he wasn't going to run away and tuck his tail between his legs, he was going to fight, going to save the world. He would do it without his brother, without anyone, because that was why he was here. This is why he had been saved by the faith healer all of those years ago, that was his purpose.

He charged Went straight into the demons, cutting, hacking, kicking, throwing, and screaming. Demons grabbed at his clothes and he shed his layers, shed jacket and over shirt, left only in a tight tee shirt the demons had nothing left to grab a hold of. One of the demons tried to throw him, and they weren't able. Dean smiled evilly and said "Maybe Yellow Eyes empowered two Winchesters." He said and hit the guy square in the jaw, knocking him on his butt. Dean hurried further and further into the church, and was just about at the seal when he was jumped from behind and knocked to the floor.

Ruby's meat suit grinned evilly down at him. "You think you are gonna be some kind of hero?"

"I'm gonna kill every one of you evil sons of bitches." He said low in his throat. She laughed and she reached down into the front of Dean's pants.

"Get off of me!" he yelled. She pulled the hex bag out of his pants and threw it to the other side of the room.

"Wondered how long it would take you to find the spell that makes you immune to demonic forces. Maybe you are smarter than I gave you credit for short bus."

"Oh, there is a lot you don't give me credit for bitch." He said and punched her square in the nose.

"Like what?" she asked head butted him.

"Oh, a guy can't give up his secrets. Just know I'm gonna kill you bitch."

"Sure you are. Your brother over there, see him? Fighting that hunter? Yeah, he's on my team, and he's not gonna let me get hurt."

"Whatever bitch." Dean said and he started to fight back, tried to use his weight, and his height to his advantage, but the demon in the small girl was strong, and she fought back just as hard. And before Dean knew what was happening, she pulled a knife from her boot and aimed for his heart. Dean grabbed her arm and tried to stop its descent, but when a demon feels no mortal pain, it doesn't matter if you break an arm or scratch. They aren't going to stop. Dean realized almost too late that hew as going to lose this particular battle, that he would die trying to save the last seal, and he was going to die the way he wanted, fighting. He found peace with that, knew that he had done his best and he was willing to die, he was ready.

His arm was losing strength and Ruby laughed and her eyes turned the true demon black and before he knew what was happening he heard a loud "NO!" and then Ruby was gone, off of his body and choking up her own demon trail.

Sam was too late, Ruby had already plunged the knife into Dean's chest. Blood was oozing out of the wound and he was breathing heavy. "Dean! I can't do this again…no no no.. I can't do this again." Sam repeated.

"Stop the breaking of the seal."

"Dean!"

"Do it! Sam! Do it! No one's looking. Finish this." Sam worried at his lip and then finally did as his big brother suggested. He dipped his hand in Dean's blood and he ran for the door. He smothered the seal in his brother's blood. And recited in Latin. "So as the one who begins it, he shall end it, blood of the righteous shall right all of his sins done in hell." Blinding white light enveloped everyone in the area, every demon was fried, and the seal was in fact sealed. Nothing was going to get in or out.

Sam ran to his brother, pulled the knife from his chest and touched his hair. "Dean?"

"Hospital Sammy, hospital." Sam gathered his brother in his arms, and with superhuman strength held him close and ran like hell to the Impala.


	11. End

He awoke to beeping. Heart monitor. He wasn't in hell. Unless of course someone had redecorated since Alistair's death. Who knew? Who cared? He took a deep breath and he heard Sam all of the sudden.

"Dean! Dean!" Frantic. Panicked. Distraught. He didn't know his brother could sound like that anymore. But then again, if this was hell, if they hadn't saved the last seal, then this could be a demonic version of his brother trying to get him in his comfort zone only to slice and dice him emotionally once he felt safe.

"Sammy?" he tested.

"Oh God." Sam swallowed. "Thank God." Dean rolled his head towards Sam.

"You okay Sammy?" Sam let out a choked laugh.

"Am I okay?" he repeated. Dean struggled to sit up. And Sam put a hand on his shoulder. "No. No. Don't move. You need to stay put. You just got out of surgery yesterday."

"Bobby. Is Bobby okay?"

"He's fine Dean. We're all fine. Everyone is fine." Dean lay back down against the pillows.

"You hurt Sammy?" he repeated again.

"Dude, I'm fine. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Sam smiled and sat back down in the chair beside the bed.

"Always worry about you Sammy. That's my job. Look out for my pain in the ass little brother. Always.." Dean's eyes drifted shut and he whispered. "Gotta protect….gotta save….love…. all I have…."

"Go back to sleep Dean. Go back to sleep. You saved me." Sam said and rested his head against the mattress next to his brother's hand. "You saved me Dean. I always knew you would."

"So, Sam, what happened?" Dean asked several days later as he was scarfing down his hospital food in which he had proclaimed tasted disgusting, yet, he ate every single scrap of it.

"What part?"

"The part after I was stabbed?"

"Well, you went down, I took care of Ruby."

"What kind of taking care?"

"Mind stuff."

"Did you destroy her?"

"Yes I destroyed her."

"Good."

"I saw her plunge the knife into you. Watched her. It about killed me Dean. I hadn't been following her for weeks, not since you and I…"

"Did the death dance?"

"Yeah. That night broke the spell she had over me, broke my…my….trust of her. I…" He shrugged. "Anyway, once she was gone, I went to you and you told me to finish it. I had to stop it. I was surprised you trusted me." Dean said nothing, just continued to shovel pudding into his mouth, eyes trained on Sam, waiting for more explanation. "I had read, not too long ago, that the blood of the righteous could save the last seal, so I soaked my hand in your blood, read the ritual, and spread it over the seal. This blinding white light came over everything and vaporized every demon in the area."

"Apocalypse averted?"

"Yes."

"Bobby?"

"In a separate room. He has a broken leg."

"Otherwise he's fine?"

"Yeah. Dean, he's fine." He nodded.

"Do I wanna know what they did to me?"

"No. I don't think so. But, you'll have a very nice scar from the surgery."

"Awesome." He smirked.

"Cass?"

"He said for me to tell you good bye. Said that he was intrigued by your strength and courage. He says to tell you that both fathers would be proud of you. That you are in fact the man they thought you were." Dean nodded, licked his lips.

"You okay Sammy?"

"For the five hundredth time Dean." he said with a smile. "I'm just fine."

"Okay. Good. How about…uh….you know.'

"Us?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for betraying you."

"I'm sorry for not protecting you."

"Thank you for saving me."

"Thank you for sticking it out." Dean cleared his throat. "Okay. Enough of this chick flick garbage." He sat up a little straighter. "I want out of here."

"Dean, you just had major surgery."

"I don't care. This place is boring."

"Dean. Come on man. Stop. Don't you dare try getting that IV out of your hand. Stop it. Dean! Come on man. Stay in bed. For me."

"Oh God Sam! Turn off the puppy dog eyes. I'll stay I'll stay. Can you at least go and get me a bacon cheeseburger or something?"

"Dean!"

"All right. All right. You are no fun."

Castiel smiled to himself listening to the brothers fight and make up. The anger and sadness that filled them both was gone. Both were on the mend, physically, mentally and spiritually. His work was done.


End file.
